talk about a feel good moment
Facing the greenery, I — stoned as the Great Wall Of China — sitting in my chair, feeling my flesh press against it, only wish for people to feel as good, and as at ease, as I was feeling right there, in my chair — stoned as fuck.
I am not a big fan of romanticizing drugs. I would never, for example, write a tribute to nicotine. But I sure as hell would do it for baby M (oh and I never give nicknames, but baby M is one special kiddo).
Okay if these…
My heart is so full, and I am in so much awe that I do not even think I am gonna use the word fuck this time. Cursing won’t do it justice this time
The only way I thought to cope with my suffering was to make something beautiful out of it, but I genuinely genuinely wouldn’t have been alive today if it weren’t for the amazing support system that I had, that I sadly couldn’t find back home in the Middle East.
This film may either be something that hits home to you (either because you or someone you…
I’m tired of life
Tired. Just want out.
In my head, it all seems mundane everything feels hurtful overwhelming dull
It doesn’t seem to me that I’m going anywhere with life — not when I’m so dependent on peoples validation (mind u on social media) not when I’m never happy being on my own not when I get so sucked into self destructive behaviors that distract me from my pain
Not when I’m not fucking happy.
My therapist says: “You have fed your body, created the biological condition which enabled you to interact with everything conceivable to your senses. …
I cannot deny that I have gotten better mentally (and certainly physically). My emotions have been pretty stable, nothing way-off-the charts. I feel relatively more hopeful about life and what it has to offer me, I guess.
But right when I think my life is finally starting to take a turn, I find myself swirling back into some sort of depressive wave, and it is not just any “sort” of wave.
It is not “the blues” or the “I feel sad” wave. It is a bigger, more powerful wave, one that insidiously takes over and consumes me, one that keeps…
I had it in me all the time. I just did not know how to use it.
Now it is my lifetime anchor.
I am looking down at my bare legs — shaking, trembling. I can feel the heaviness of my heart, the strong pounding of my head, the drenching sweat escaping my body.
I was reliving the haunting memory of my abuse.
It was not a fleeting memory. It was a clear image of myself five years ago, in my bedroom. A fresh, vivid scene of what he was wearing, what he did to me, how he looked…
You remember readings you had to for English classes in high school, some of which resonate with you till today?
Yeah, me neither. BUT there is one article — one article — I had to perform a critical analysis on — that left a permanent mark to my paradigm. I want to share its content with you, simply in hope that it will elicit inspiration and learning in you — the way it did to me.
So what does it mean to have strength?
Society has a nice way of drawing a picture of strength: someone who does not shed…
It has been a year since I have recovered from anorexia. For years, this monster had my life snatched away from me. And here I am now — in recovery — willfully trying to get it back.
I have been so un-present lately, zoned out so to speak. I am pre-occupied trying to make sense of my intense emotions, all of which are alien to me.
For the past five years of my life, my ongoing mental and emotional state was put simply, numb.
I felt no sadness, no anger, no resentment, no anxiety. No joy, no excitement, no surpise.
I grew up reading lots of non-fiction (self-help, autobiographies, and true crime stories). I also took enjoyment in reading books about our psychology and personal growth.
My main interests lied within the field of Science. The majority of classes I took in high school were Biology, Chemistry, Calculus, and Statistics. The Life Sciences was a clear-cut path for which I wanted to pursue after high school.
As much as I’d like to brag about the exceptional performance I had for Science and Maths, it is safe to say I suck(ed) at other things, like Literature, Music, Art, and Sports.
Sometimes my head and mind hurt from the things I learn, or atleast want to learn.
Either I ask too many questions no one can answer me about, or I ask questions I am not supposed to ask, or I ask questions with no answers.
If no one in my immediate environment can answer, I would allude to Google or Wikipedia. Recently however I have been all about legitimatacy, asking questions like who wrote this? is this source scholarly? Is it real, or is it just fake news (which we are flooded with every single day)?
I start to question…
I like to think, a lot. Sometimes it hurts, other times it inspires me to write, gives me this flow. Science & Yoga are near and dear to my heart, too.