When Knowledge is not power

Matteo Baronio on Flickr

Sometimes my head and mind hurt from the things I learn, or atleast want to learn.

Either I ask too many questions no one can answer me about, or I ask questions I am not supposed to ask, or I ask questions with no answers.

If no one in my immediate environment can answer, I would allude to Google or Wikipedia. Recently however I have been all about legitimatacy, asking questions like who wrote this? is this source scholarly? Is it real, or is it just fake news (which we are flooded with every single day)?

I start to question everything I consume. Every newsarticle. Every story told on social media. Every video with a catchy, exclusive title.

I try to consume only information that can be trusted, information that is based on real evidence.

Indeed if there is anything university is teaching me so far, it is to be a critical thinker

But I, being the perfectionist nerd, always choose to take things to an extreme.

I question whatever I am taught, and while that is a great tool for personal, academic, and professional growth, this habit of mine is becoming toxic.

I overthink, so much so that I am driven to anxiety.

I read not on the surface level, but along the lines, deeply and thoroughly.

I question everything that is not based on Science, which is problematic. Why?

I cannot enjoy Literature, Philosophy, and the humanities, for they are deeply rooted in imagination and surreal thinking, two things I am terribly bad at.

I struggle with my religion too sometimes, where it became too interwined with culture and norms. Why is this forbidden and who made it so? Is it in divine text? Where? Is there one solid interpretation for this verse?

I become so entrenched in my thoughts, sometimes ending up doing the opposite of what critical thinking aims to achieve: clarity.

Instead, I get confused angry frustrated.

The more I know, the more I question, the more I doubt.

Sometimes I think, is critical thinking moving me away from the truth, rather than pushing me closer to it? That is indeed when knowledge is not power.